What an odd title for a book about infertility “Baby Hunger”, or so I thought. Turns out this week it is spot on in describing the emptiness I continue to experience as I try to fill my craving to become a mommy. It almost been a year since the pregnancy was lost and what a wicked feeling of injustice I am feeling at this moment at being unable to conceive or carry a baby. I ask what is so wrong with trying to follow your dream of becoming a parent? So what if my body is 43, even after all these years of feeling betrayed by my body I still believe in something stronger than science. I really believe in an almighty God that can over come everything and anything, maybe that’s why even though I am a seasoned hospice nurse, I cannot get embrace Kubbler Ross’s stage or emotion of acceptance. No amount of self talk, grieving or reading has been able to shake my belief that God gave me a uterus and has had me fight to keep it all these years for a reason. I cannot begin to explain the pain I have endured as a result of endometriosis, the humiliation and shame I have exposed myself to and experienced at the hands of not so well-meaning medical doctors in my search for the ‘one’ who will match my beliefs and be able to fulfill my hearts desire and but an end to my Baby Hunger Pains.
Any suggestions or insights are greatly appreciated.