Baby Hunger…pains.

What an odd title for a book about infertility “Baby Hunger”, or so I thought. Turns out this week it is spot on in describing the emptiness I continue to experience as I try to fill my craving to become a mommy.  It almost been a year since the pregnancy was lost and what a wicked feeling of injustice I am feeling at this moment at being unable to conceive or carry a baby. I ask what is so wrong with trying to follow your dream of becoming a parent? So what if my body is 43, even after all these years of feeling betrayed by my body I still believe in something stronger than science. I really believe in an almighty God that can over come everything and anything, maybe that’s why even though I am a seasoned hospice nurse, I cannot get embrace Kubbler Ross’s stage or emotion of acceptance. No amount of self talk, grieving or reading has been able to shake my belief that God gave me a uterus and has had me fight to keep it all these years for a reason.  I cannot begin to explain the pain I have endured as a result of endometriosis, the humiliation and shame I have  exposed myself  to and experienced at the hands of not so well-meaning medical doctors in my search for the ‘one’ who will match my beliefs and be able to fulfill my hearts desire and but an end to my Baby Hunger Pains.

Any suggestions or insights are greatly appreciated.

Waiting, Melody

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About Lyme Lives EveryWhere

Angola Inmate Hospice volunteers taught me to trust God and the power of forgiveness. I have always been fascinated by how people 'discover' their gifts/callings. As a coping mechanism for a complicated home life; I liked to run outdoors regardless the weather. After University my running was curtailed due to mystery ailments that would flare up on-and-off for decades. Intuitively, I have been soaking in epsom salt baths ever since I became a runner. Perhaps that is what kept my immune system functioning for so long. In 2005, my mystery ailments returned. After a decade of suffering and symptom flare ups, I was told by health care practitioners to learn to live with what was ailing me. In 2013, my immune system shut down and resulted in a health crisis; ultimately saving my life. Tired of being sick and tired, by divine intervention I found an amazing advocate in Dr. Amanda Lea; an osteopathic physician in Zachary Louisiana. Two days before I found her, a friend put me on her church prayer list as I searched for answers. Dr. Lea was setting up a new practice and worked me in the day after the prayer chain started. She listened to my health history uninterrupted for 45 minutes. After my diagnosis, I went to see a Lyme experienced MD, the head of infectious disease at a large hospital in New Orleans. She opened the office door, walked in and proclaimed that "Lyme disease does not exist in Louisiana". That day my passion for Lyme awareness, education and advocacy was revealed to me.
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One Response to Baby Hunger…pains.

  1. You are brave in entering this post …. God bless you in expressing the reality of your pain. I pray that God will comfort and strengthen you in this process and am confident that ultimately His Will will be carried out in your life …. in His timing and HIs way. Bless you my friend.

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